Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
