i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
