the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
