i already hear my dad disowning me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
