the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
