someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
