thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
