Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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