I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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