Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
