East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
