I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
