I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
