I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
