i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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