It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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