He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
