Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
