Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
