he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
