I murdered the dance floor call the cops
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
