According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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