It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
