I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
