No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
