I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do herpes really smell.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
