It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
