Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
