You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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