You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
