one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
