and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think my moral compass just broke
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