i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
