Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
