you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
