I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
