He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I faked an abortion last night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
