i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize
