Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
