Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
