The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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