Quick, to the slutcave!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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