if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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