This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have aggressive nipples.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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