When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
