conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
