My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
