You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
