The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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