Can Purell be used as lube?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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