Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
