how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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