I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We got so high we made milksteak
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think your dad took our porno
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
