I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
